Final Ballpark Rankings

First, a few minor awards:

Best Food

Criteria: You're given $40 to get whatever food you want at each ballpark. Where will you find the best combination of food quality and food value?

Winner: Milwaukee Brewers. Get the grilled brat ($4) and add mustard and fresh cut onions at the full condiment bar. Get a side of fried cheese curds ($4), which I would best describe as a bowl of amazing bite-sized mozzarella sticks. Wash it all down with a 16 oz. High Life draft ($5.25). And even then, you still have more than $25 left. Get another sausage (polish or kielbasa). Spend an extra dollar on a beer to try a microbrew ($6.25). Try some locally-made ice cream. Even after all of this food, you'll still have $10. At Miller Park, the food is delicious, and you'll be able to eat until you're stuffed.

Best Value

Criteria: Which park gives you the best value, in terms of a combination of tickets, food, and souvenirs?

Winner: Cincinnati Reds. Milwaukee has the best food value, but its ticket prices are a little on the high side ($17 for standing room seats). Cincinnati has $5 seats available for every game, and the seats that we got from Andy's Dad a few rows behind the 3rd-base dugout were only $32 (season ticket price). Food is reasonable, and the souvenir minibat was $6, tied for 2nd place, only behind Washington's $5 minibats.

Best Design

Criteria: Which baseball park best combines unique ballpark features, sight lines, and a city's features (skyline, scenery, etc.) to produce the most aesthetically-pleasing ballpark?

Winner: Pittsburgh Pirates (with St. Louis a very close 2nd). The downtown view, which can be seen from all parts of the ballpark and includes the river and Roberto Clemente Bridge, is outstanding. There is also standing room space with a great view of the field anywhere you go in the stadium. Finally, for such a modern ballpark, retro-themed features such as the out-of-town scoreboard stand out and give PNC a classic, vintage feel.

Best Game

Criteria: Which game that we saw was the most well-played and entertaining?

Winner: St. Louis @ Milwaukee. Milwaukee's pitcher (Yovani Gallardo) had a no-hitter that was broken up in the 6th inning. Not to be outdone, St. Louis' pitcher (Chris Carpenter) had a perfect game going until it was broken up in the 7th. Both pitchers ended up going 8 innings and only allowing 2 hits each. One of the most masterful pitching performances I've ever seen by a pair of pitchers in the same game. It went to extras and Milwaukee ended up winning on a 2-out hit in the 10th inning.

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for, the award for best ballpark. Some people make spreadsheets with point values for different categories, total up the points, and determine a winner. But I think that overcomplicates it.

My criteria was simple: if offered the chance to go back to any of these ballparks to see a normal, regular-season game in the middle of the summer, what would be my first choice? After that, which ballpark would be my second choice, third choice, fourth choice, etc?

In case you want more details on any of these ballparks, click here to read all 8 of my full reviews. So now, without further ado, I present to you my overall rankings:

1) Wrigley Field, Chicago Cubs. Just an amazing baseball experience that is unlike any of the other parks we visited. Eight rows behind the plate, upper deck, in the bleachers -- I don't care where I'd be sitting, I just want to go back.

2a) Busch Stadium, St. Louis Cardinals. Beautiful stadium, devoted fans, perennially-contending team. Great combination.

2b) PNC Park, Pittsburgh Pirates. Everything good about St. Louis (with some aspects being slightly better) minus the whole being a contender part. Fans are still devoted, but when you've had 16 straight losing season, enthusiasm tends to wane, thus hurting the whole ballpark experience. Still, if Pittsburgh was even somewhat competitive, there's a good chance that it would jump St. Louis in the rankings.

4) Great American Ballpark, Cincinnati Reds. The way that the park is built into the riverbank and has such a great view of the Kentucky shoreline makes GABP beautiful and unique. Basically, it's just a very relaxing place to watch a game.

5) Miller Park, Milwaukee Brewers. This jumps up to #2 if I'm promised a Saturday night game and given a car full of friends, food, and beer. The tailgating scene at the ballpark is reminiscent of a big-program college football atmosphere, which is awesome. But since the usher said that it's not as lively on most weeknights, I'm keeping it at #5.  

6) Progressive Field, Cleveland Indians. Nice ballpark, but nothing special or memorable about it. When you're working with Cleveland as a canvas though, you're not starting out with much (as opposed to the great skyline or river views in other, non-Cleveland cities). Could've put the ballpark next to the Cuyahoga, but that might have been a fire hazard.

7) Nationals Park, Washington Nationals. The ballpark is fairly nice, but for something only a couple of years old, it ranks much lower than other brand new parks because of its overall design (lots of sharp angles -- like a video game ballpark), fanbase (just something for them to do until the Redskins start playing again), and location (in an empty warehouse district).

8) US Cellular Field, Chicago White Sox. A concrete bowl with only an upper deck. Was there a lower deck? I don't know. With my ticket, I couldn't go down there myself to confirm its existence.

Tomorrow, or whenever I feel like it: Final food rankings and random things from the trip that merit documenting.

PNC Park

Andy and I spent the afternoon eating sandwiches (for a change...) and then headed over to PNC Park, taking the preferred route by walking from downtown over the Roberto Clemente Bridge to the ballpark. There's a great view of the stadium from the bridge, and as you can see in the above picture, also a great view of the bridge from the stadium.

The ballpark atmosphere was fairly lively, which surprised us, seeing as how Game 1 of the Stanley Cup Finals (which the Penguins were in) was happening that night too. Evidently enough people wanted to go to see a 4th-place baseball team play a 6th-place team that the game was a sell-out, even when their hometown hockey team was in the finals. True, it was a Saturday night, and the weather was great, but for a town like Pittsburgh that loves their hockey (when they're winning and the bandwagon is rolling along), this was unexpected.

We bought under-face-value tickets from a scalper who said his friends had bailed due to hockey, and found our seats in the upper deck behind the plate.  That picture at the top? That's where we sat, and in terms of ballpark views, I don't think you can beat it. The skyline, the beautiful bridge, and the river...it's just a great place to watch a baseball game from. Even from the lower seats, you get a great view of the city. And the ballpark designers also made sure that wherever you are in the ballpark, you have a great view of the game. For example...

Example #1: Most ballparks have ramps behind the concourses. PNC has a winding ramp that has views of the field on each level, where fans can stand and watch. I even witnessed people sitting on a blanket having a quasi-picnic on this ramp while still having a great view of the field.

Example #2: Left field standing room is literally 6 rows from the field. In other parks they put the standing room behind an entire large section, at least 25 rows back. Here, you can stand and watch the game from only 10 yards or so behind the left field fence.

Example #3: The ballpark itself is incredibly low. Even the upper deck seats seem closer than in other parks, because, well....they are. PNC is the 2nd smallest park in the majors, which means that ridiculously high seats, like the ones that they have in Chicago at US Cellular, do not exist here.

Other cool things about PNC:

The out-of-town scoreboard. It's modern, but with a classic sort of look that fits in perfectly with the rest of the ballpark.

The radar gun. We've moved past the days of just how fast a pitch was. I'll be damned if I don't know the vertical break of Ian Snell's every pitch.

They've got a prize wheel on the walkway behind right field right next to the river. They stamp your ticket, so you can only spin it once per game, but everyone wins something; you can win a Pirates t-shirt, bobblehead, umbrella, discounted ticket, or an unnamed grand prize. Andy stepped up, spun the wheel, and wound up with a free t-shirt. Sweet. Then I gave the wheel a whirl, and it landed on....a piece of paper with an online code for a discounted ticket. Screw that. One crumple and disgusted toss later, I was prizeless.

The food prices are pretty standard for a ballpark (i.e. high), but the selection is better than most places I've seen. PNC has incorporated several local eateries into their concession stands, so if you want a $25 bucket of wings from Quaker Steak & Lube, you're in luck.

At some point during the middle innings, for no apparent reason, a small cheer arose from the crowd. This turned quickly into dull roar, which gave way to a full-fledged standing ovation. What had happened? The Penguins had scored to tie the hockey game at 1. As a Rangers fan, and someone who hates all things Sidney Crosby, I didn't like it, but I have to admit that seeing this happen was pretty cool.

And the not-really-that-cool-but-still-okay-I-guess things:

Pittsburgh has a food race too. A bunch of pierogies race around the warning track. Who won? The red one, maybe? Honestly, I wasn't really paying much attention to it because I was too busy admiring the skyline, which keeps its hypnotic properties, even at night. Andy wasn't paying attention because he refused to watch any race that didn't feature ketchup.

Like the Yankees and the Reds, the Pirates do the YMCA. Strangely enough, the fans here seem to like it. As Meatloaf almost said, 1 out of 3 ain't bad.

The game ended, the Pirates won, the Penguins lost, and everyone stayed in their seats for the postgame fireworks show/ country music concert from some band I'd never heard of. While we waited, they used the jumbotron to entertain the crowd. Props to whoever was in charge of programming, because their choice was a winner. The best part might have been the fact that the entire skit was closed-captioned.

Then the music started. We sat through a couple of songs, including a cover of The Devil Went Down to Georgia, and eventually the fireworks began. The fireworks show was good, and the fact that they exploded right in front of the skyline was an added bonus. Also featured: the amazing explodable bridge! And the best part was that that night's show only killed 8 bridge pedestrians! No...I kid, I kid. The death toll was much higher than that.

After a few minutes, the fireworks stopped, and the band started playing again. We left.

Quick Summary: Hidden deep in the Allegheny Mountains, nestled among the steel mills and coal mines, you will find an absolute gem of a ballpark. The park designers definitely had the fans in mind when they built it; every view of the field is top-notch, and the way the ballpark is built into the city is spectacular. One can make an entire lap around the field and find standing room to watch the game everywhere aside from the center field concourse, which loses the field view, but gives you concessions stands with an amazing view of the river and the city.

Progressive Field

After staying the night at Andy's friend Jake's house, we spent the morning at the Pro Football Hall of Fame in Canton. Highlights included: Me as an inductee, Me scared of being stabbed, Seeing that the HOF officially recognizes this name, And of course, this.

 

Afterwards, we drove to Cleveland for the Indians game. Not wanting to pay a ridiculous amount for parking near the stadium, we found out that the Great Lakes Brewing Company, which is about 1.5 miles away, provides a shuttle to and from the stadium. Technically, the pass to ride that you buy at the brewery costs $1, but I'm pretty sure that you could quickly flash any receipt and be fine. After finding cheap parking near the brewery, we boarded the "Fatty Wagon" and headed for the ballpark.

You'll notice a recurring theme in this review. Everything about the stadium is nice, but nothing is spectacular. The one exception is in promotions: June 15th is Rick Vaughn bobblehead night. That's pretty awesome.

The entire game was played, which was nice. But not until after a 1 hour, 30 minute rain delay, which actually started before the rain even did. We walked into the park, and even though it wasn't raining, we saw this. We sat through about 20 minutes of dry weather before the rain actually started. Better than: The Cubs game. Worse than: All the other ones.

The view from the ballpark is a great showcase of the Cleveland skyline. Unfortunately, Cleveland does not have much of a skyline. But you can clearly see all three of Cleveland's buildings. Better than: White Sox, Nationals, Milwaukee. Worse than: Pittsburgh, St. Louis, Cincinnati's river view.

They have a nice area with plaques of famous Indians players from their history. Better than: most ballparks, including the White Sox who also have a long history and fairly new park but no such area to honor players (at least not on the upper deck). Worse than: this is basically a cheap imitation of Yankee Stadium's Monument Park.

They have a fair amount of standing room areas; however, the upper deck overhang stretches way out, obstructing the vertical view of a large portion of the standing room area behind the plate and on the baselines. And there's no standing room or open concourse on the upper deck. Better than: most old stadiums. Worse than: most new stadiums.

The stadium design itself, as seen from our seats, is pretty basic. Nothing special. Better than: old stadiums. Worse than: anything built in the past 10 years.

Attendance: Not as many people as some other parks. But more bugs and seagulls than you'll see at any place that doesn't have longshoremen working there. Better than: Nationals park, insectariums, or the docks. Worse than: any place without a midge infestation. (Bonus: a section of the ballpark that had more seagulls than people in it.)

Quicken Loans Arena, where the Cavs play, is right across the street. There's a gigantic poster on the side of the arena of Lebron. Better than: most of the Eastern Conference. Worse than: Orlando.

The ushers are nice. They're not as friendly or allowing of you to go anywhere in the park as some of the other stadium ushers. Better than: most parks. Worse than: St. Louis and Pittsburgh.

The big race in Cleveland is ketchup vs. mustard vs. onions. Worse than: Milwaukee's sausages, Washington's presidents, Pittsburgh's pierogis. Better than: Any of the animated train races on the jumbotron or the gang fight in the outfield of the White Sox game. 

*As a side note, this may have been the best actual race of any we saw. Mustard bumped ketchup and sent him flying. Ketchup responded by cheating, cutting through the infield grass. Nevertheless, mustard still won. Ketchup got even more mad and pushed mustard in his smiling hot dog face as he celebrated. Mustard ran away, pumping his fist in the air. All of this is real. Andy has video that I'll upload if he sends it to me.

The Indians' mascot is named Slider. He looks like the Philly Phanatic after a paint job and a face herpes breakout. He was also inducted into the "Mascot Hall of Fame" in a ceremony after the game while they set up the fireworks show. His "parents" were there for the ceremony. So were his "kids." But no wife. So I guess the herpes thing makes sense. Worse than: any legitimate mascot. Better than: Vomiting Kermit.

The highlights: The Yankees won 3-1. We were able to move down to seats on the field level for the last 2 innings. The fireworks were pretty cool and were set to 70's music. Andy got his picture taken with ketchup.

Quick Summary: Progressive Field is nice, but not really special or memorable in any sort of way. Everything is done well, but no aspect of the stadium is at the top in any specific category.

Wrigley Field

With the forecast calling for rain, Andy and I spent the afternoon before the Cubs game feasting on Italian Beef sandwiches and praying that the rain would hold off long enough for them to get the game in. Through some important connections high up in the Cubs front office, we were able to get seats 8 rows behind home plate. And by important connections, I mean we looked on StubHub and found a pair there for only $60 each. Compare that to what those seats would cost in Yankee Stadium, and baby, you got yourself a stew.

It rained on and off throughout the afternoon, but as the game approached, things were looking promising. We headed down to Wrigley in a very light drizzle, and as we got to the ballpark, we were immediately struck by the lively gameday atmosphere, despite the not-so-great weather. There were souvenir booths all over the place and the bars surrounding the ballpark were packed.

After the obligatory pics in front of the famous Wrigley Field sign, we decided to take a quick lap around the stadium, since we still had more than half an hour until the first pitch. Unlike stadiums that are built nowadays and are part of giant stadium complexes or are in the middle of a downtown area, Wrigley is right in the middle of a residential neighborhood. There are actually people who live right across the street from Wrigley Field, and as baseball fans know, the buildings surrounding the stadium have rooftop seats where people can watch the game. Honestly, I don’t think I should be as wowed as I am by this, but it was just a very cool thing to see firsthand.

Once inside the park, we walked around the concourse for a bit. Disregard the signs for the various food stands and the TVs that have been placed there, and the concourse looks like it’s right out of the 1930s. So do the stands themselves. There are two old, basic electronic scoreboards underneath the grandstand, and that’s it.  No marquee with flashing Coca-Cola advertisements or dancing hot dogs. Just a big sign with the score and what inning it is.

And there’s no jumbotron either. The scoreboard is the same one you would have seen decades ago. All they’ve added is a small electronic strip to the bottom of it to tell you who’s batting. Now that we’re in the age of 100-foot high HD screens, seeing a stadium that still uses something like this is amazing. But then again, who needs a jumbotron when you’re sitting close enough to see the anticipated failure on Kosuke Fukudome’s face firsthand.

The stadium itself looks old too, but in a very cool, retro sort of way. Maybe it’s the scoreboard. Maybe it’s the light towers that are different from any other I’ve seen. Maybe it’s the ivy. Maybe it’s the lack of dancing hot dogs. Whatever it is, I love it.

The game started, and even though it rained on and off for the first few innings they played through it. Again, despite the weather, the crowd was great. The stadium erupted after a first-inning solo shot with a roar that’s usually saved for late-inning heroics in other parks. And the party was on when the Cubs broke the game open with a handful of runs in the 5th inning to take a 6-1 lead. Watching Wrigley break into celebration was almost as good as watching the game itself in other stadiums, and definitely helped make Wrigley the most memorable park on the entire trip.

And then this happened. Andy and I waited it out for about an hour, but finally the game was called, which meant…Cubs Win! Cubs Win! The fans left the park wet, but happy, and crowded into the neighborhood  bars to celebrate the end of an 8-game losing streak.

Personally, I know that I’m going back to Wrigley someday. While it sucked that the weather was bad and the game was called early, we still had an amazing experience. I really can’t imagine how great a game would be at Wrigley on a warm, sunny summer afternoon. But someday, I’ll find out.

Quick Summary: There’s really no easy way to sum up what makes Wrigley Field so special without using corny expressions for the way things used to be (yeah, like that). I guess the easiest way to explain things is that going to Wrigley Field for a Cubs game is a cultural experience that is much more than just a baseball game.

Miller Park

Andy and I woke up early Monday morning and headed up I-94 to Milwaukee for some Memorial Day baseball. We got to the park a little more than an hour before first pitch, and immediately found ourselves immersed in a giant tailgate. Miller Park itself is several miles outside of downtown Milwaukee and therefore, several giant parking lots have been built around the stadium, allowing fans to get to the game early and set up shop for an extended tailgate.

As we walked around the parking lots, the smell of grilled brats drifting all around us, I realized that I could have sworn that we were at a college football game. People were eating, drinking, grilling, playing bean bag toss -- just generally enjoying the hell out of themselves. And then there was the beer. Everyone was drinking it. College kids. Their parents. Little old ladies. Toddlers out of sippy cups.

We finally made our way towards the park, which from the outside looks somewhat strange due to the combination of the classic brick architecture and the retractable roof (which was open for this game). But first, we had to take pictures with giant sausages. 

The five sausages from the famous Miller Park sausage race were outside the stadium posing for pictures with fans, so Andy and I hopped right in and joined the sausage fest. After the picture, I asked them which one of them felt like they were going to win. The bratwurst (sausage #1) was the most adamant about his chances of victory. I high-fived him as a reward for his bravado and told him I'd be rooting for him during the 6th inning. More on this later.

We headed into the park, and wanting to truly take in the full Milwaukee experience, we each grabbed a beer and a brat. We loaded our brats up with onions and mustard and took them down in a matter of seconds. Just delicious. Honestly, the fact that anyone in Milwaukee has a BMI of under 30 is astounding to me.

We had standing room tickets but found some unoccupied seats on the 2nd level in left field right under Bernie Brewer's dugout. Luckily for us, we happened to be in a group of seats that were in a cheering section for Ryan Braun, a modern-day Hank Greenberg, who gives hope to young Jewish boys everywhere that they are welcome on the playing field and not just in the owner's box. I unabashedly joined in on the cheers.

As we sat there, we noticed that even though the party had moved inside, people were still enjoying themselves. And some people were getting a little out of control. Some girl trying to step over a row of bleachers while carrying food lost her balance. She went down hard and her food went flying. It was only by the grace of God and the back of a bleacher seat that her container of cheese didn't end up all over the guy in front of her. A few minutes after this, we watched as a girl vomited into a trash can, and then proceeded to pass out right in front of a group of cops. As the EMTs rushed to the scene, the vomit smell wafted over the section and Andy and I headed for less aromatic pastures.

As we walked, I noticed the giant windows behind the upper deck, instead of the mesh screen they have in most other parks. On the day we went, the temperature was in the high 60s and sunny, but because of the windows, there was no wind in the stadium, which made it feel absolutely perfect.

We wandered around for a few more innings, watching one hell of a pitcher's duel (Milwaukee's pitcher had a no-hitter through 5 innings, and St. Louis' had a perfect game through 6). At one point, we were talking to an usher, and asked him if Miller Park was always this much of a party. He told us that it usually isn't on weeknights, but on weekends, that this was the norm. Finally, it was time for the main event. The fans stood and cheered as the sausages made their way onto the field and lined up for the race. 

Ready.....set.....GO!!! Around the turn.....and down the stretch they come....and the winner is.....Bratwurst! All because of my high-five and my words of encouragement. Or at least that what I'm going to believe until someone proves otherwise. 

The game ended up going 10 innings, and ended when Bill Hall hit a walk-off double to lead the Brewers to a 1-0 victory, allowing the crowd to leave drunk, full, and happy.

Quick Summary: Going to a Brewers game on a weekend or a holiday is like going to a giant party that just happens to have a baseball game going on in the middle of it. Until football starts again in the Fall, this is what people from Wisconsin have in terms of tailgating, and they definitely make the best of it.

US Cellular Field

Andy and I woke up Sunday morning and hopped on the L (Chicago's elevated subway) to catch a game on the South Side at US Cellular Field, home of the Chicago White Sox. This ballpark review will be shorter than most, because this is a way to recap my memorable experiences on the trip, and frankly, US Cellular didn't provide too many of them. Although the grievance airing will take up its fair share of space.

Grievance #1: Tickets. Most ballparks have an allotment of cheap tickets that they sell, which are usually under $10. It doesn't matter that these seats are way out in the outfield or high up. Just getting into the ballpark is enough for a lot of people (including, for example, people on a road trip who just want to see the park). Here, the cheapest seats, which are the seats that are behind the columns in the back of the upper deck, are $23.

Grievance #2: Speaking of people on a road trip who just want to see the ballpark....if you buy an upper-level ticket, you can't go down to the lower level. Not even to walk around. They check tickets on the ramps at the entrance to the lower level. There are even signs that reinforce the fact that if you don't have an upper level ticket, you are a 2nd-class citizen.

Grievance #3: The dude playing the Casio keyboard that's hooked up to the sound system. If you want to play "charge" between pitches, fine. If you want to play the "everybody clap your hands" song, I have no problem with that either. What I do have a problem with is whimsical fairy music or a sea shanty being played as the pitcher looks in for a sign. Honestly, it seemed as if the person in the booth was playing just to hear the sound of his own keyboard, which unfortunately, only alternated between "harpsichord" and "wind chime" settings.

Grievance #4: The poor attempt at ivy walls. C'mon, US Cellular, that's Wrigley's thing. Find something else, like gang fights in the outfield, or a concession stand that sells heroin.

Grievance #5: Robin Ventura deserves better than this.

Alright, now on to the good things:

Our seats had a pretty good view.

There's a nice view of Chicago from the upper-level concourse.

You don't have to wait in long lines to get food, especially not for the corn. Unfortunately though, you wouldn't actually want any of the food here.

The outfield concourse looks nice. Unfortunately, because I carried the leper's mark of the 500-level ticket, I was unable to go down there in person. 

The fans are kind of d-bags, but they're devoted. And good hecklers. Game 4 of the Blackhawks-Red Wings series was being played during the baseball game, thus leading to a fair share of both Chicago and Detroit jerseys in the ballpark, including a large contingent of people wearing Red Wings jerseys who were sitting right in front of us. The two Sox fans sitting behind us, who in previous innings had loudly recapped the entire plot of The Sandlot, decided to go into a rant directed at the Red Wings fans in front of us, including a hilarious part about Russians that I wouldn't be able accurately replicate here if I tried.

We didn't get stabbed on our way to or from the park.

Quick summary: For a team that's been around for as long as the White Sox have, their ballpark is severely lacking in character. Not allowing access to the lower concourse, even to walk around, for fans that have upper-concourse tickets is a huge negative. Overall, US Cellular is an incredibly underwhelming ballpark.

Busch Stadium

After a relaxing day eating barbeque, touring the Anheuser-Busch brewery (Horses! Buildings! Clamato! Plus, more beer than you've ever seen in your life!), and making sweet sweet love to the Gateway Arch, Andy, Danny, and I headed down to Busch Stadium to check out a Cardinals-Royals game.

We got there at about 5:30, about an hour and a half before the first pitch, and already there were masses of people outside the gates. Presumably, this was for the free Albert Pujols figurine giveaway, but nonetheless the scene outside the ballpark was lively, with people decked out in Cardinals t-shirts drinking on bar patios and live bands playing. Also, the exterior of the ballpark is 100% brick, and thus by law, classy.

We made our way to the seats behind the plate to watch some batting practice, and were immediately struck with a beatiful view of St. Louis' skyline, which prominently featured the arch. We hung around there for a few minutes before heading out to the outfield with the hopes of catching a batting practice home run. Unfortunately, we forgot to take into account the fact that the Kansas City Royals were the ones taking batting practice. Of the four home runs hit the entire time, none were near us. As they left the field, we headed to our seats feeling tired, sweaty, and used.

The Royals' batting practice was not a total failure though. As we stood in the stands, I noticed someone in the outfield who I recognized; it was none other than Royals bullpen coach John Mizerock, the catcher for the 1989 Richmond Braves, and my first ever favorite player. On a team with future major leaguers David Justice, Ron Gant, and Mark Lemke among others, I decided to pick John Mizerock, he of 103 total major league games played in, as my favorite.

After BP was over, I went over to the Royals bullpen. John was standing there, about to head out to the field to warm up a pitcher. As he started to walk out to the field, I yelled to him, "John Mizerock!" He looked up. "You were my favorite player on the Richmond Braves when I was growing up!"

He smiled and gave me a big thumbs up as he walked out onto the field. Minutes later he returned. Some guy yelled for him to throw a ball up in the stands. Mizerock looked up and shrugged, indicating he didn't have a ball to throw. I yelled to no one in particular, "he only throws them to Richmond Braves fans!" Again, a pointing acknowledgement. This was awesome.

As Andy and Danny begin realizing that this was bordering on stalking, Mizerock came back in to the bullpen with a ball. He looked up into the stands and our eyes locked. He lobbed the ball. And because I was holding my Albert Pujols figurine in one hand, some lady next to me grabbed it with both hands as I grabbed it with one. Not wanting to go to jail for hitting a girl, I let the ball go. Later on, however, Mizerock tossed another one up to me, and this time, both hands free, I caught it. So thank you, John....you're still my favorite player ever. And to that woman who stole the ball from me: I hope you're happy with yourself. A month from now that ball will mean nothing to you. But it would have meant a lot to me. I hope you get a tapeworm.

We headed to our seats in the right field lower deck, and proceeded to watch some baseball. From the beginning, it was obvious that every fan into the stadium was into the game. Everyone was there to watch the game. No one was there because there was nothing else to do. 

When I took my standard lap around the stadium in the middle innings, the two things I noticed were the lack of "frills," or unnecessary additions to the ballpark (for the opposite end of the spectrum, think new Yankee Stadium), and how empty the plaza areas were relative to other stadiums. There was a small kids area with a miniature baseball diamond, but there were only a few kids there. The rest were watching the game. Whereas Cincinnati had Tanner, the morbidly obese child who was more interested in food than anything else, St. Louis had a girl of roughly the same age, sitting a few seats down from us, who understood the game; she watched intently, cheered when it was appropriate to do so, and booed when Albert Pujols was intentionally walked in a key situation.

Overall, the stadium doesn't have a lot of extras. There's a painted line in the outfield walkway to show where the wall of the old Busch Stadium was. The scoreboard from the old stadium is on display in the walkway on the first-base side. There's a private club somewhere on the club level, I think. Other than those things, it's a basic stadium; the great thing is though, it doesn't have to be more than this. The team is good enough, and the fans are engaged enough, that Busch Stadium is perfect just the way it is.

The night before we went, Pujols crushed a ball that took out the "I" in the "BIG MAC LAND" sign. When we got there, the sign had an added message. Personally, I would have gone with a "no I in team" motif, but this worked too.

Quick summary: Busch Stadium reminds me of what a classic ballpark would look like if it was built in 2005. It is an outstanding place to watch a game, as the ballpark design, ballpark views, and the enthusiasm of the fans are all exceptional.

Great American Ballpark

We actually went to two Reds games. This review will be a combination of both of them. Andy's Dad was able to get us great seats for both the games; the first night we sat here, and the second night, we were here.

Additional cast members for this scene include Danny, another friend from camp, and his friend Andy (not Messer....another Andy). Indulging me and my overzealous picture taking, Danny decided to play up the Asian tourist bit. Thanks, Danny.

After having seen the human wasteland that is Nationals Park, seeing a group of fans outside the stadium was a refreshing sight. I didn't even mind waiting in line for three minutes to get in. I was just happy that I wouldn't be able to hear my own echo in the ballpark. The main entrance is a plaza with a bunch of statues of famous Reds players, most of which conveniently became jungle gyms right around game time.

By far, the best feature of the park is its shoreline view over the Ohio River and into Kentucky. It seems as though most new ballparks built in the past ten years have tried to incorporate a city view of the skyline into the design of their parks. Cincinnati has gone exactly the other way and turned the park away from the city so that it faces the river. While the box seats to Reds games are great, if I was a season ticket holder, I would want to sit in the upper deck on the third base side, because honestly, I can't think of many things more relaxing than leaning back in your seat, stretching out, and watching a baseball game on a warm summer night with this view. 

Another great thing about Great American Ballpark (GABP) is the food vendors. Each one of them has their own unique call or catchphrase. One touted himself as the "walking commissary." Another channeled his inner Pavarotti and held a loud note for an incredibly long time. And yet another scared the living shit out of a group of kids. Three boys, probably all about 10-years-old were standing in one of the many standing room areas behind a section watching the game. I watched as the vendor snuck up behind these kids, leaned in close and screamed (not shouted.....screamed), "COOOOOOOOOOOOOOLD......beer". The kids jumped and turned around and stared at this guy with fear in their eyes. He in turn shot them a smile reminiscent of a famous movie poster and then without so much as a word, turned and walked down the aisle. Pants wet with urine, the children scattered.

And on that note, let's talk about food. The food here is all about the hot dog. In addition to the Skyline chili dogs ($1.60 at Skyline, $3.75 at the ballpark), there are numerous other hot dog stands, some even right next to each other. Evidently, the demand is there. Another popular item, which Andy swears by, but the New York Times tells you to avoid, are the Funachos. They didn't necessarily seem all that fun, but had I tried them, I'm sure they would have been at least edible...and really, when you're eating tortilla chips and processed cheese paste, isn't that basically what you're going for?

At Yankee Stadium, the grounds crew does the YMCA when they come out to rake the infield. Fans there hate this. At GABP, the grounds crew also does the YMCA. With the exception of Brandon Phillips, who for some reason is grinning like an idiot in the aforementioned picture (and evidently, is also a little teapot), no one there seems to like it either.

And then there was Tanner. Tanner sat directly behind us at the 2nd game we went to. Tanner was ~6 years old and weighed 100 lbs, if not more. During the duration of the game, Tanner was either eating something, or whining to his mom about wanting to eat something. Let's go through the Tanner timeline.

2nd inning: Tanner and family arrive at their seats. Tanner takes down a hot dog in less than a minute.

3rd inning: The Dippin' Dots guy walks by. "Mom! I want chocolate Dippin' Dots!" screams Tanner. She says no. He whines. She buys them.

4th inning: Tanner and his mom leave in the top of the inning. They return during the bottom half with a blue cotton candy.

5th inning: Tanner finishes the cotton candy. Tanner also now looks like a smurf. Face covered in blue sugar, Tanner turns to his mom and asks, "Hey ma, do you think the line at UDF (an ice cream place) is shorter?"

6th inning: Tanner asks his mom for a sip of her soda. She gives him the soda and he takes a gulp. He complains that the soda is too watered-down and begins to cry.

7th inning: Tanner stops crying when his sister returns to the seats with a bag of peanuts. Tanner snatches the bag, and begins to chow down. Speaking as if he had just discovered a new species, Tanner surprisedly exclaims, "these peanuts taste like peanut butter!" His mom goes for the bag. Tanner starts crying again. His mom gives him the bag back.

8th inning: Finished with the peanuts, Tanner says he wants a pretzel. His mom says no. His sister tells him, "dance for the pretzel, Tanner!" Tanner begins to gyrate. Tanner becomes winded and sits down. After catching his breath, Tanner begins whining again. His mom packs up all their stuff, and they leave the seats for good, but most likely not before stopping at a pretzel vendor on the way out.

But other than Tanner, the fans at GABP are loyal, devoted Reds fans. Unfortunately, this also means that they've been witness to a decade of consistent losing teams now and have become very realistic concerning this current team's chances to contend. In the first game we went to, the Reds were trailing by a run in the late innings. They had a runner in scoring position and were threatening to tie to game. Yet the only people standing in our immediate vicinity were Danny and (other) Andy, who, for the record, had been drinking heavily for about 6 hours. Try as they might, they could only muster scattered applause for the situation. Nevertheless, if this team ever starts consistently winning again, I think the enthusiasm will come back to GABP.

Other pictures: View from behind the plate, View from the outfield

Quick summary: The Reds haven't been a real contender for more than a decade now, and it shows. The fans hope for the best, but at this point are pessimistic that the team will actually be able to contend past June, despite a few bright young stars. The shoreline view of the Ohio River is the perfect touch to Great American Ballpark, and is ultimately what makes it so memorable.

Nationals Park

Note: This is a ballpark review, not a rating. Once the trip ends, I'll rank all the parks, hopefully in several categories, and also declare an overall winner.

Today, Jeff and I visited Nationals Park. When it was built a few years ago in an empty warehouse district, the Nationals hoped that it would help turn the area into a trendy, upscale, developing neighboorhood along the banks of the Anacostia River. A quick walk around the park and a look at the surroundings confirms that things haven't exactly gone to plan. Although if you want to rent a U-Haul, there are two stores directly adjacent to the park: one behind right field, and one behind left. Basically, when Ryan Zimmerman leaves in five years for a legitimate team, he'll have no problem getting his stuff out of there.

Most people enter from the rear -- the centerfield gate -- because both the Metro and the two parking garages lead right to it. It's a nice little plaza where people can mill around and talk about Cristian Guzman's low on-base percentage. Also, there are ladies with accents giving out free samples of Nestea. Unfortunately, this leads to a situation where the three other gates are basically devoid of any people (not that the centerfield gate is all that crowded), and twenty minutes before first pitch, you can walk by a main gate that looks like this.

Through one of his friends, Jeff was able to get seats about 15 rows behind home plate in the Diamond Club section. Great seats, plus the tickets came with a $35 credit for food and merchandise. Alright, let's see what we can buy with $35. Large soda, polish sausage, and W-shaped pretzel. Total: $17. Another soda: up to $22. Milkshake: $30. Hmmm.....$5 left and I don't really need any more food....how about....a minibat! Perfect. All the food was pretty good; the sausage was cooked perfectly and the pretzel was buttery and delicious -- by far the best item of the day.

And then of course, the Presidents raced. Based on the famous Milwaukee sausage race, this race involves people in giant head costumes of the four Mt. Rushmore presidents racing around the warning track, starting in centerfield and ending right in front of the Nats' dugout on the first base side. It's always a legit race....except for that Teddy Roosevelt never wins. Even though campaigns to change this are going strong, Teddy has still never won a race since they introduced this a few years ago. Today was no exception. George, TJ, and Abe came out of centerfield first, followed about 10 seconds later by Teddy channeling his inner GOB and riding in on a Segway. Still, George powered through and won the race by a good margin.

We also went to go meet up with two of our friends from Duke, Gabe and Sam. Even though we had our Diamond Club bracelets on, and there were plenty of empty seats, an usher came over and said we couldn't sit there. We showed him our bracelets that showed we had good tickets, and said that we just wanted to talk to our friends for a few minutes. He didn't care. So I sarcastically thanked him for kicking us out and then took his picture. Suck on that, d-bag.

There are also a bunch of weird statues in the centerfield plaza that are supposed to depict motion, but instead make baseball players look like Hindu gods.

Additional Pictures: View from the upper deck, View from the outfield, Attendance Counter (wait for roaring laughter to subside)....

Quick summary: The combination of an apathetic fanbase plus small crowds (there were noticeably more Phillies fans than Nats fans there today) makes Nationals Park a very enjoyable place to watch a baseball game, provided you're not actually one of the four die-hard Nationals fans in the world.