The Ultimate Food Review

Over the course of our 2-week trip, Andy and I sampled some of the best and most regionally iconic food that the midwest has to offer. Even though basically everything we ate was delicious, give or take a giant pizza or two, there was a clear-cut winner for the award of best food on the trip. But before we get to the winner, we've got two other medals to hand out.

Bronze Medal: Primanti Brothers, 2AM. The mid-afternoon Primanti's trip was nothing spectacular, but due to the better late-nite sandwich choices of kielbasa and corned beef (as opposed to cheesesteak and capicola in the afternoon), plus our 2AM desire for a large amount of flavor-packed food, late-nite Primanti's was able to edge out Al's Italian Beef for the low spot on the medal stand.

Silver Medal: Jim's Original. Going to Jim's for delicious grilled polish sausages is a guaranteed great meal. The sausages are cooked perfectly, the mustard is sharp and has a nice kick, and the sweet sauteed onions are the perfect complement to the sausage and mustard flavors. As an added bonus, the prices are great ($3 for an italian sausage), and you get free fries with every sandwich. So when you go, bring $20 and stock up. Eat five of them at Jim's and save one to bring home and put on your medal stand.

And the champion....

Gold Medal: Pappy's Smokehouse. The clear-cut winner. I know there are scientists around the world working to cure diseases and build rocketships and whatnot -- but I really don't think it would hurt for them to take some time off to figure out the recipe for the dry rub on Pappy's ribs. Unfortunately though, the top spot on the actual medaI stand itself will have to remain unoccupied. I wouldn't even save one of Pappy's ribs to put on it; they're just too amazing not to eat.

The Final Overall Rankings

The Official Food Review Hierarchy

1) Not worth it

2) Stop in if you're driving by

3) Check it out if you're in town

4) I'd drive an hour for it

5) I'd drove across several states for it

6) I'd kill a man

Pappy's Smokehouse: 4.5 (I'd drive an hour AND wait in line for an hour for it)

Jim's Original: 4 (I'd drive an hour for it every now and then)

Primanti Brothers 2AM: 4- (I would take a $10 cab ride for it)

Al's Italian Beef: 3+ (Check it out if you're anywhere near Chicago)

Zingermann's: 3 (Stop by if you're in Ann Arbor and don't mind spending $15 on a sandwich)

Skyline Chili: 3 (Check it out if you're in Cincinnati)

Lou Malnati's Pizzeria: 3 (Check it out at one of its many locations if you're in Chicago)

The Ohio Deli (Dagwood): 2.5 (Pretty tasty sandwich in itself -- check it out if you're in Columbus and want a challenging, yet doable food challenge)

Primanti Brothers, 5PM: 2 (Check it out if you're driving by)

Pointer's Pizza: 0.5 (I would only eat it at sundown after Yom Kippur if there was nothing else to eat)

Primanti Brothers

And now, a food review in two acts:

Act I: 5PM

Mere hours after arriving in Pittsburgh, Andy and I ventured down to Pittsburgh's strip district, home of the original Primanti Brothers. For those of you who have never watched the Food Network or Travel Channel, Primanti's started as a sandwich cart that fed Pittsburgh factory workers hundreds of thousands of years ago; it is now a regional chain with more than a few stores in the Pittsburgh area. Of course, we had to go to the original. Primanti's is famous for stuffing their sandwiches with handfuls of both fries and coleslaw. Andy and I had a plan: we would each order a different sandwich and then split them, so we would get to try as many as possible.

Andy went with the capicola (basically a spiced ham) and egg, which is touted as the local, Pittsburgh-type thing to eat. I ordered the steak and cheese, which is touted on the menu board as being the #2 best seller. The big joke, which I find absolutely hilarious, is that there is no #1 best seller. Just side-splitting stuff. Only the best at Primanti's.

We sat at the bar and watched intently as they cooked up our sandwiches on the grill. After hearing rave reviews about Primanti Bros. from nearly everyone that had tried it before, we were excited. Unfortunately, the bar may have been set too high. The sandwiches were good, but they were not the culinary orgy of flavors we had been led to believe we would encounter. 

The steak and cheese was solid, but both Andy and I were thrown off by the fact that the steak was not the standard chopped up or sliced cheesesteak cut. Instead, it was basically a beef patty. Still tasty, but I'd take a Pat's cheesesteak over this any day.

The capicola and egg was also good, but much like the steak and cheese, nothing special. It's easy to see why capicola and egg is described as a "Pittsburgh favorite." The spiced ham was a flavor that neither of us was used to, and we couldn't tell whether it was good or bad. I still don't think I've made up my mind, actually. But any time there's a local food with a somewhat funny taste, you can make it popular by describing it as a regional specialty. I really don't know if anyone in Pittsburgh would eat capicola if it didn't give them some sort of civic pride; I probably won't again.

Official verdict for Primanti Brothers, 5PM: Check it out if you're driving by. If you're hungry and and see a Primanti's, stopping in for a huge stuffed sandwich will satisfy your hunger. But don't expect anything amazing.

ACT II: 2 AM

After the Pirates game, Andy and I hit the bars near the ballpark. After making some new friends (who, not surprisingly, could not be convinced that Sidney Crosby is a bitch, as hard as I tried to prove the point), we decided to venture back to Primanti Bros. for a true late-nite sandwich experience.

We decided to start walking and flag down the first cab we saw. Thirty minutes and zero cabs later, we were getting closer to Primanti's. Then things went downhill real quickly.

NOTE: If you want to go to the original Primanti's location in the strip district at 2AM, do NOT walk. I repeat, do NOT walk. Take a cab. Wait an hour for one if you have to. But for the love of God do not walk. A sandwich is not worth a stab wound. Well, most aren't. 

Clutching our Pirates minibats tightly for protection, we cautiously made our way through some not-so-nice real estate before thankfully arriving at the restaurant. We made our way to the same seats at the bar where we had sat roughly 9 hours earlier, and decided on our next two sandwiches: corned beef and kielbasa.

We waited with anticipation, hoping that our second visit would validate the hype that had been so lavishly bestowed upon Primanti's and that had not been fulfilled during our first visit. The sandwiches came. We each grabbed half of the corned beef. We readied. And then we dug in.

Without a word, we each looked at each other and immediately knew what the other was thinking: the hype was real. This was a great sandwich. We finished our corned beef and moved on to the kielbasa. Amazingly, the kielbasa was the best of the four we'd had on the day. The kielbasa itself was delicious, and its intense flavor was balanced out incredibly well by the coleslaw and tomato on the sandwich. 

Unfortunately, by this point, my camera was dying, so the only 2 pictures I have of our 2nd trip to Primanti's are this one of the kielbasa sandwich and the one at the top of the Act II post of my corned beef remnants. Still, even looking at these 2 pictures makes me hungry for another Primanti's kielbasa.

Official verdict for Primanti Brothers, 2AM: I would take a $10 cab ride for it. For me, Primanti's has joined the ranks of elite late-night food, taking its place right behind #1 Cosmic Cantina (the one in Durham, not the overpriced, second-rate NYC one) and #2 Pat's cheesesteaks. But remember to heed my words of advice: Take a cab (or go to a different location). Get the kielbasa. Go home happy. Someday, you'll look back on this and thank me.

Zingerman's

An Ann Arbor favorite for more than 25 years, Zingerman's is an upscale food retailer and delicatessen located on a small shopping street. Andy, his friend Dave, and I got there at about 1PM on a weekday during Michigan's summer session. Nevertheless, we were still met by a sizeable line. It moved quickly, allowing us time to look at the sizeable menu. Still, when we got to the front, we still weren't sure what we wanted to order. 

Zingerman's Wikipedia page says that the deli is known for it's customer friendliness. After talking with the girl taking our order, and watching how she put up with three first-timers like us, making recommendations, and never getting flustered or annoyed by our stupid questions, I can say without a doubt that the customer service is spectacular. We each ordered a large sandwich, and then got two sides for the table: the latke sticks and the mac & cheese.

We went to another part of the store to pay, and then to the building next door where there are tables where they bring the food out to you. The food arrived quickly, and it looked delicious. The latke sticks were warm, crispy on the outside, soft on the inside, and the creamy pesto dipping sauce that came with was a nice touch. The mac & cheese was even better (and for Andy and Dave, their favorite item). Personally, I liked the sandwich. I got corned beef, cheese, coleslaw, and russian dressing on rye bread. The bread was toasted with a crunchy crust, and the meat was juicy and flavorful. Overall, just a great sandwich.

The downside was the price. The sandwiches were each $15. Each of the sides was $5. If the price was cut to what most other delis charged for sandwiches like this, then this could definitely be an everyday sandwich shop, but there's better food than a sandwich that you can get for $15. The food is still delicious though and it's definitely worth it to try Zingerman's if you've never been before.

Official verdict for Zingerman's: Stop by if you're in Ann Arbor and don't mind dropping $15 on a sandwich. Then stop in again sometime after your next paycheck.

The Great Chicago Food Review

Now that the Chicago portion of our road trip is over, it's time for the Great Chicago Food Review. Andy and I ate at three Chicago institutions during our time there: Lou Malnati's Pizza, Jim's Original, and Al's #1 Italian Roast Beef. As a quick refresher:

The Official Food Review Hierarchy

1) Not worth it

2) Stop in if you're driving by

3) Check it out if you're in town

4) I'd drive an hour for it

5) I'd drive several states for it

6) I'd kill a man

Lou Malnati's Pizzeria

Chicago-style pizza is different from normal pizza. Take it away, Wikipedia:

A thin crust of pizza dough is laid in a seasoned deep-dish pizza pan and raised up on the sides. The ingredients are placed on a Chicago style deep-dish pizza in the opposite order of a thin crust pizza. The first ingredient is thick slices of mozzarella cheese that are placed directly on the dough. Then additional ingredients like mushrooms, onions and sausage are spread on top of the cheese. The pizza is then topped with a tomato sauce made with whole chunks of tomatoes. One of the more popular features of a "Lou-Mal" pie is the "sausage patty," which is, as the name describes, a single patty of Italian sausage below the layer of tomato chunks or sauce, as opposed to the more traditional crumbled sausage.

Basically, Chicago-style pizza is like a pizza pot pie without the top crust. You eat it with a fork and knife, and, as I learned, three pieces of it is incredibly filling. 

The cheese, underneath the tomato and sausage, is stringy and delicious, but by far, the best part about this pizza was the sausage. Every bit of the pizza was covered with a thick layer of sausage, which in addition to the cheese, tomatoes, and flaky crust, made for an excellent meal.

In terms of actually calling it "pizza," I'm not sure that I'm down with that. I'm much more comfortable with "pizza pot pie." In my opinion, New York style pizza is still tops. But this is still very good.

Official verdict for Lou Malnati's Pizzeria: Check it out if you're in Chicago. And if you're not a filthy vegetarian, sausage is definitely the way to go. I've had better pizza, but I'll call my first foray into "pizza pot pie" a success. 

Jim's Original

After the White Sox game, Andy and I headed down to Jim's Original, a Steve Messer recommendation, for some Polish sausages. Even though the location has moved, Jim's has been serving Polish sausages since 1943. One look at the menu shows two great things: the great prices, and the fact that fries come free when you order any sandwich.

Andy and I both ordered our sausages with mustard and onions (the standard way is onions, mustard, and hot peppers) and dug in. Immediately, we realized why these guys have been around for almost 70 years. The skin was snappy, the meat was juicy, and both the mustard and onions complimented the sausage perfectly. And they have the production line down to a science. 

After we finished, we each went back to the window and ordered a road sausage for the train ride back. The guys behind the window thought this was hilarious and even posed for pics with the food. And the true mark of a champion: sausage #2 was just as good as sausage #1.

Official verdict for Jim's Original: I'd drive an hour for it every now and then. With the prices being so low, I'd probably also stock up and eat 4 or 5 in the car on the way back. Sure, I'd feel sick, but it would be worth it.

Al's #1 Italian Beef

Again, I defer to Wikipedia:

An Italian beef is a sandwich of thin slices of seasoned roast beef, dripping with meat juices, on a dense, long Italian-style roll, believed to have originated in Chicago, where its history dates back at least to the 1930s. The bread itself is often dipped (or double-dipped) into the juices the meat is cooked in, and the sandwich is typically topped off with Chicago-style giardiniera (called "hot") or sauteed, green Italian sweet peppers (called "sweet").

After walking about 2 miles to Al's downtown location, Andy and I had worked up a good appetite by the time we got there. We knew we wanted italian beef sandwiches, but after looking at the menu quizzically for a few seconds, the guy behind the counter cut in. "First time here, guys?" he asked.

We nodded. "You guys saw this place on TV, right? Man v. Food?" Again, guilty as charged. He pointed out the combo meal menu, and told us we wanted the "Big Al Combo," the large italian beef sandwich with hand-cut fries. Perfect. We both got hot and sweet peppers on our sandwiches, asked for them dipped in the gravy, and while they put them together, we talked with the guy behind the counter about our road trip. The sandwiches came out, he threw an extra side of meat juice in for good measure, and we sat down to enjoy our food.

The fries were very good. The sandwich was great. The meat was tender, the peppers added a nice amount of spice and crunch, and the bread dipped in the meat juice was somewhat strange, but surprisingly tasty. It stuck to and changed the sandwich in the same way that cheese whiz melds to the meat in a cheesesteak, creating one homogenous piece of food.

The only negative (if you even want to view it as such) is that eating a large italian beef sandwich takes a lot out of you. Even though Andy and I had slept approximately 9 hours each the night before, after this sandwich, we both wanted to take a nap. If Al's ever did an eating challenge, we hypothesized that not too many people would be able to finish 2 large italian beef sandwiches with fries. Still, this sandwich was great, and will definitely be something I seek out on my next visit to Chicago.

Official verdict for Al's #1 Italian Beef: Check it out if you're anywhere near the Chicago area and don't have to do anything active for the rest of the day. Or if you run out of Ambien.

Pappy's Smokehouse

Pappy's Smokehouse has only been open since February 2008, but it already seems to have garnered quite a strong following in the St. Louis area. As yet another Adam Richman-approved stop on our food tour, we had high expectations for Pappy's. 

According to Danny, my friend from camp (not the same one from Cincinnati) and our unofficial St. Louis tour guide, Pappy's was started by two guys who would go around and cook barbeque for competitions. They won a whole bunch of awards, and because of this, decided to open their own place. According to their website, "We prepare delicious, juicy Memphis Style BBQ daily using only the best ingredients. We start by slow smoking our meats from 4-14 hours over apple or cherry wood and finish them off with a selection of three delicious sauces and your choice of sides all prepared fresh in house."

We got to Pappy's at about 12:30, and were immediately greeted with a line that snaked through the restaurant and out the door. Faced with the decision to brave the line or leave, we decided that a line this long had to lead to amazing food. We got in line. The line slowly crept along as we made our way closer to the register. While in line, we asked one of the employees what we should get if it was our first time there. Without hesitation, he answered, "ribs with sweet potato fries and fried corn." Sounded good to us.

Finally, after about 40 minutes of waiting, we got to the front. Andy and I both ordered a half rack of ribs with an extra 1/4 lb. of pork & brisket, with sides of sweet potato fries, fried corn, and potato salad. We waited for about 5 minutes at a table, and the food was brought out to us.

The worst item by far was the potato salad....and it was pretty damn good potato salad. The sweet potato fries were hand-cut and delicious, and the fried corn on the cob was like nothing I had ever tried before; the best I can do to describe is sweet corn on the cob with a roasted popcorn flavor -- but I don't even think that description does it justice.

As good as the sides were, the meat was even better. The pork came out in large, pulled chunks, and the brisket was perfectly tender. Nevetheless, both of these items paled in comparison to the ribs.

I'm a sauce person. When I get ribs, I typically pour a nice helping of BBQ sauce on them. In fact, I basically put sauce on everything -- burgers, hot dogs, chicken wings -- but these ribs needed none of it. Actually, these ribs were so tender and delicious that I didn't even want to put sauce on them. This was mostly due to the amazing dry rub; in addition to sealing in all of the rib juices, the rub added the perfect amount of both saltiness and tangy sweetness.

The Official Food Review Hierarchy

1) Not worth it
2) Stop in if you're driving by

3) Check it out if you're in town

4) I'd drive an hour for it

5) I'd drive across several states for it

6) I'd kill a man

Official verdict for Pappy's Smokehouse: I'd drive an hour for it AND wait in line for an hour. Despite having spent the first 21 years of my life living in the south, Pappy's has some of the best barbeque that I've ever had.

Skyline Chili

I'm a few days late with the Cincinnati stuff, I know, but I had more important things to deal with...mainly, the destruction of all my hopes and dreams. Better late than never, I present to you my Cincinnati food review.

Wikipedia, what exactly is Cincinnati style chili?

Cincinnati chili is a regional style of chili characteristically served over spaghetti or as a hot dog topping. Cincinnati chili sauce contains finely ground beef, seasoned with a mixture of spices. Some aficionados report a distinct hint ofcinnamon and sometimes even chocolate. However, the precise identity of other spices is hard to determine. The flavor of Cincinnati chili is distinct from that of the more widely recognized Texas-style chili, and differs from that variety too in its thin consistency, which makes it more suitable as a sauce for other dishes than as a dish by itself.

When served over spaghetti, the chili is typically topped by a large mound of shredded mild cheddar cheese (as much as will fit on top without it falling over the sides). Because of the large amount of cheese piled on top, the first few bites often consist entirely of cheese, at least for inexperienced diners. When served on a coney-style hot dog, the chili is also topped with a generous mound of cheese. 

The day after the Dagwood, Andy and I went to Skyline Chili, one of Cincinnati's many chili chains (and official chili of the Cincinnati Reds!!!) for a reasonably-portioned meal. Being that Andy is a Cincinnati resident, I followed his example and ordered 4-way chili (spaghetti topped with chili, cheese, and beans) and a coney (chili dog with cheese).

Only after about 3 minutes, our food came out, due to the fact that all the food is cooked and ready to be served behind the counter. It was immediately apparent that they do not skimp on the cheese. After a little bit of mixing, though, the cheese melted and it became one homogenous dish, not spaghetti and chili with a cheese toupee. As for the chili dog....well, it had a cheese blanket as well. So did my Diet Pepsi. Also, our chairs had cheese seat cushions. And as Andy and I were eating, the kitchen staff came out with giant vats and made it rain using shredded cheddar. It was like a giant cheese snow globe.

But getting back to what actually happened, and not what I wish had happened...getting the chili dog with onions and mustard is definitely the way to go. The mustard gives it a little bit of a bite to balance out the sweetness of the chili and the onions give it a nice crunch.

Overall, the chili itself was very good. By itself, I wouldn't think that it would stand up as a meal, but as a pasta or hot dog topping, it does the trick. Personally, I like my chili on the sweet side anyway. If you're a person who likes spicy chili, though, you can still load it up with the hot sauce they put on the tables.

The Official Food Review Hierarchy

1) Not worth it

2) Stop in if you're driving by

3) Check it out if you're in town

4) I'd drive an hour for it

5) I'd drive across several states for it

6) I'd kill a man

Basically, if it's even a 2, it's good food. Anything 4 or higher is special. And pray to God that I never find a 6. 

Official verdict for Skyline Chili: Check it out if you're in town. This sweeter chili may be an acquired taste for some people, but if it's your thing, you're always in for a good, filling meal.